List of posts by Cat Valentine
This is the page of Cat Valentine's TheSlap posts. Posts *'Cat': Happy 4th of July! Did you ever wonder why they call it 4th of July?!? *'Cat': Did you ever wonder how your brain tells your toes to move? Do brains have toe sections? *'Cat': I'm doing a peanut butter and jelly dance right now. But you can't see it. *'Cat': What should I be for Halloween??? *'Jade': Be a cat. You'll be less confused. *'Cat': I don't get it. *'Jade': A cat. Since your name is CAT! You won't forget what you are, like you did last year. *'Cat': Oooooh, I get it now! Yeah last year was confusing, I was a fox and people kept calling me CAT! *'Cat': Hey, Tori. Welcome to TheSlap.com. Oooooh, I keep writing on my own board! :( *'Cat': My dog has a black nose. It's like a baby meatball. So cute! - Stage Fighting *'Cat': I like to yodel. I usually do it at home, but sometimes I do it at the grocery store. Everyone stares. *'Cat': Last night I dreamt of tiny pink bubbles and when they popped they sounded like little kids giggling. *'Cat': I love going to the park and looking at baby squirrels. Oh, and sometimes one of them throws a nut at me. I don't like that part. *'Cat': I thought the ball freshener from the Sky Store was the most AWESOME thing ever, but THEN I discovered the world’s first earlobe massager. *'Tori': Cat, why am I getting packages sent to YOU at MY HOUSE? *'Cat': Hmmm... not sure what you're talking about. Must be a different Cat Valentine. Classic mixup. I'll make sure it gets to the OTHER Cat. Can I come grab it after school?? *'Tori': Fine. And btw, who needs an ankle bracelet that detects if you're within 20 feet of a deer in the middle of Los Angeles?? *'Cat': Deer are so cute! *'Cat': Is it true that sweat & pee are cousins? *'Cat': Do you think that dogs who wear clothes get made of fun by the other dogs who don't? I hope not. 'Cuz they're so cute! *'Cat': Sometimes when I look out of my window, a random feather just falls from the sky. I wonder if there's a balding bird up there somewhere. *'Cat': I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU GUYS!!!! MY CAPS LOCK IS JUST STUCK! PLEASE DON'T BE MAD! **'Beck': Just hit the caps lock button again. **'Cat': ooooooooohhhhhhh. thanks, beck. *'Cat': I've been thinking about what a bald bird would look like and I can't stop giggling. Poor bird. Wonder if they make bird wigs *'Cat': I just bought a star on the Internet. My goal is to buy so many stars that I can spell out my name in the sky. Good idea? *'Cat': I just ate sooooooooo much soup. When I walk, I can hear waves of soup swishing in my tummy. **'Robbie': What kind of soup? I love broccoli cheddar but I'm allergic to cheese :( *'Cat': Is happy! *'Jade': Why? *'Cat': Why what? *'Jade': Why are you happy? *'Cat': I'm not. I'm actually really sad today (Just heard flies live for only ONE day). :( *'Jade': Then why does your status say "Is happy!"????? *'Cat': Oh, that was a typo. *'Cat': What did the young shrimp say when his mom asked him why he wouldn't share his toys? *'Robbie': You've already told everyone that joke! Enough Already! *'Jade': Say that joke again and I de-friend you. In real life. *'Cat': I'm a little shellfish. Get it?! *'Cat': I counted my eyelashes today. On my right eye, I have 153 eyelashes -- which is more than the average person. Go me! *'Cat': I wish people would stop the cruel practice of bear-knuckle fighting. What did the bear ever do to you? *'Cat': Hangin' out at Paramour Studios with Crystal Waters. *'Tori' : You know you don't have to call me Crystal Waters anymore. We already got Beck his job back. *'Cat': Oh hi Crystal! *'Cat': I'VE GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!! His name is Daniel. His hair is fuzzy. *'Cat': Got a new boyfriend, punched Tori in the face, broke up with boyfriend, and got hot cheese in my ear. Not exactly in that order, but.... *'Cat': Why do all my therapists keep retiring early? It's such a strange coincidence. :( *'Cat': I haven't tweeted in almost 4 hours. It's not that I didn't want to, but it's really hard to tweet when you're asleep. *'Cat': Halloween's my FAVORITE holiday! Well, after Christmas.... and Thanksgiving... and New Years... and Labor Day... and Arbor Day... oh, and Groundhog's Day... *'Cat': If shorts are called "shorts", why don't they call pants "longs"? *'Cat': Cheerio! (That's English for Hello. Well, not English-English but British-English.) I guess I could've just said hi. Hi!' ' *'Cat: '''Guess what me and Jade are doing this weekend? Karaoke! *'Sikowitz'': Did you know in Japanese, Karaoke literally means "to sing as if dying" *'André: 'Actually the literal translation is "empty orchestra." *'Sikowitz: Oh well, yeah. I tend to make things up. *'Cat': I'm lying on the floor in the shape of an "S" right now. Hahaha. This is fun. *'Cat': I don't know why I'm craving carrots so badly'?' *'Jade': Maybe it's because you've been watching your neighbor's rabbit for a week'.' *'Cat': OMG. That's why!' ' *'Cat: '''OMG, it's a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!! *'Robbie: What is?!?! *'''Cat: I don't remember. I wrote that like 10 minutes ago. *'Cat': Almonds are a girl's best friend! *'Jade': You know it's "DIAMONDS are a girl's best friend" right? *'Cat': OOOOH, that makes so much more sense'. ' *'Cat': When do I have to stop saying, "It's a Christmas miracle!" February? *'Cat': Happy 1/11/11!! The ONLY thing cooler will be 11/11/11! *'Jade': How about winning the lottery? That would probably be cooler. *'Cat': I average about 407 texts a day. do you think that is too much? text ya later! *'Cat': I heard that Valentine's Day was started by this guy named Valentine who just wanted a day named after him. I think he was my uncle. *'Cat': My BF Daniel is mad at me. I didn't show up to dinner on V-Day. I totally forgot I was dating him. Oops. *'Cat: '''My brother was arrested again. Apparently Santa Monica law doesn't allow you to swim in JUST your underwear. Well, now he knows. *'Cat': I wish I could pick up more things with my toes. Life would be so much easier. *'Cat: I wonder if Alaska and Hawaii ever feel left out. *'''Cat: Is there any good reason why a grown man would soak his feet in chicken fat? *'Cat: '''What's the deal with hotel soap? Why is it so tiny? *'Beck: Still doing your 80's comedian routine? *'Cat: '''No, I really NEED to know. I'm on vacation and I'm really dirty. *'Cat: I'm going to write the first thought that pops into my head. Okay here goes: "Guacamole Swimming Pool." K. Bye. *'Cat: '''I quit my job at Northstar. All of the emergency calls started to stress me out ... and the pay was terrible. *'Tori: You know you didn't actually work there. *'Cat: '''I LOVE my new costume design class! It's like Halloween every day of the year!!! Hooray! *'Cat: 'Last night I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow. Then I woke up, the giant marshmallow in my bed was gone! *'Beck: 'I can never tell if you're joking or not. *'Cat: 'How do snapping turtles snap? They don't have any fingers. I HAVE fingers and I can't even snap! *'Cat: 'How come only kids catch cooties? Is it because older people have already been vaccinated? *'Cat: 'Hey friends! Check out my new blog! It's called CAT'S FUN PUN #1 *'Cat: 'Guess what I learned today? Baby food isn't that bad! Mashed carrots are delicious! *'Sinjin: 'I like strawberry-banana. *'Robbie: 'My fave is creamed peas. *'Sikowitz: 'Coconut Medley is by far the best. *'Tori: 'Guess what I learned today? All of my friends still eat baby food. *'Cat: 'The best thing about Doug the Diaper Guy? He's not a party pooper! Oh.... I just got that. HA! HA! HA! *'Cat: 'Cowboys ride horses. Shouldn't they be called horseboys? *'Cat: At the Asphalt Cafe on a beautiful June afternoon! Wait, do we ever get a summer vacation? *'André:' Did you notice NONE of us are there with you? *'Cat:' Yeah, did you all skip? *'Cat:' Gibby is fun to hang out with and all, but I really miss Roger Mole. Does anybody know what happened to that guy? *'Trina:' Yeah, and what ever happened to that hideous Patty Schwab chick? *'Cat:' I hate when my brother plays "Hide and Seek" with the police. *'Cat:' How come manatees are called Sea Cows, but Cows aren't called Land Manatees??? *'Cat: '''Sunday afternoon naps are the best! Friday afternoon naps just aren't the same. *'Cat: Going to rock band camp! The booklet says: "Fans Allowed." Who's coming with me?? *'Jade: '''Cat, they're not talking about "people" fans. They're talking about electric fans. *'Cat: 'Oh, darn. *'Cat: Hi my name is Cat and I have a mustache. I call it Cat-stache *'Rex:' This status update is a Cat-Stache-Trophe! *'Cat: '''Read my Daily-To-Do-List! I'm gonna be updating it everyday this whole week. So you gotta keep checking back to see 'em all. Click Here To See It!or here :) *'Cat:' I am going to make a new friend today -- and that friend is Ryan Seacrest! Check out my daily planner to see what else I'm up to today... *'Cat:' You know what I just realized? You can't tickle yourself. Bummer. I like being tickled and I'm all alone! *'Robbie:' I can tickle myself! *'Rex:' Robbie, stop being weird. *'Cat:' Going to a Sri Lankan restaurant with Jade called "The Hot & Spicy Pepper Palace." She likes watching me sweat while I eat. *'Jade:' Don't worry, you'll be fine. *'Cat: I had a dream last night that a ballerina and a dolphin were throwing peanuts at me. Dreams are so fun. *'''Cat: I accidentally Grizzly Glued my lips together. (Don't ask how!) So I won't be able to talk for a few days. But at least I can still hum!!! * Cat: '''Today's Cat Pun Fun is brought to you by the word "Catastrophe." Read my new blog to find out why! * '''Cat: '''I'm dating a new guy named Dusty. Ironically, he's very clean. His parents should have named him Soapy. * '''Cat: '''What should I have at my next party: A bounce house, water slide, or ball pit? ** '''Trina: Cat, only kids have those at their parties. ** Cat: '''What's that supposed to mean?!? * '''Cat: How many high school boys does it take to change a light bulb? ** Tori: I don't know Cat, how many? ** Cat: I don't know! The light bulb in my bathroom is out and I need to know how many boys to call over to fix it. ** Beck: Tori, you should never assume that Cat is telling a joke. * Cat: '''Running late for school today! My hair got stuck in the freezer again! ** '''Jade: '''How on earth did that happen? ** '''Cat: '''Cuz I was trying to see if my new hair dye exactly matched the color of a red ice pop! How else would it happen? * '''Cat: If given the choice between a bike and an alpaca, I'd chose the alpaca. You can ride both to school, but you can't snuggle with a bike! * Cat: '''Sometimes I wonder if my old nail polish gets sad when I take it off and put a new color on. * '''Cat: I got to use a giant pink umbrella today! Yay for rain!!! * Cat: I LOVE my new Jupiter Boots! They make life so much bouncier! Boing! Boing! Boing! Heeheehee! *'Cat: '''I just met a celebrity at the grocery store!!! I totally forgot his name but he's that blond guy who was in that huge popular movie last summer! Wow! ** '''Jade: '''Cat, you used so many words to tell us absolutely nothing at all. Congratulations. *'Cat: My #1 goal in life had always been to drive around town in a giant cupcake. I feel very lucky. Not everyone achieves their goals in life. *'''Cat: I'm watching my French neighbor's cat. Does anyone know how to say "Don't pee in the house" in French? I don't think this cat speaks English. *'Cat:' I'm sick of waiting for Christmas! I want to celebrate it now! Ho! Ho! Ho! **'Jade:' You have no idea how much I hate you right now. **'Beck:' Jade hates whenever someone mentions Christmas BEFORE December 1st. **'Cat:' I'm sorry. Do you want me to make you some figgy pudding to cheer you up? *'Cat:' When I'm 98 years old, do you think I'll still be able to... ooh, pretty rainbow. Bye. **'Tori:' Okay, now I really want to know what you thought you wouldn't be able to do when you're 98! **'Cat:' Oh, I was wondering if I would be able to... OMG my brother just got his head stuck in the toilet. Bye. **'Tori:' I give up. Guess we'll never know. *'Cat:' My brother's outside howling at the moon again. Whenever he doesn't shave for a few days he thinks he's turning into a werewolf. *'Cat:' My doctor says I need therapy. Does aromatherapy count? I hope so, I love smelling things. *'Cat:' My brother told me he bought 23 Christmas trees. A few hours later, the cops took them back to the park, and replanted them. *'Cat:' If anyone wants FREE cotton candy, come see me! Larry the Candyman will be happy to make cotton candy for everyone! **'Tori:' Larry didn't seem that happy the last time I saw him. **'Robbie:' Yeah, he had a murderous look in his eye... **'Cat:' Oh that's just how he is. Classic Larry! *'Cat:' What do teachers do on half-days? I think they have a big tea party! I asked Sikowitz but he wouldn't tell me. *'Cat:' @ the Santa Monica Pier. Things were going great until I got yelled at by a mime. Mimes can be angry people sometimes. *'Cat:' Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!! Y'know, I should have done this update yesterday so I could have said Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve! *'Cat:' I LOVED 2011!!! I got to dress like broccoli, party with iCarly AND Ke$ha, and ride in a giant cupcake! 2012, can you top that?! *'Cat:' Yay! Only 353 days till Christmas!!! Yippeee! **'Jade: '''STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! *'Cat:' I may not be as smart as Einstein, but at least I can sing better! At least I think so... anyone know if Einstein was a good singer? *'Cat:' I'm bored. Is there anywhere in LA that I could go elephant riding? It's like the only thing I want to do right now. 'Mood:' Bored'' *'Cat:' Yay! School on Saturday! It's like a vacation. No wait, it's the opposite. #Confused. Mood:' Excited *'Cat:' Just bought some non-prescription glasses cuz I wanna look smart. Just call me Alfred Einstein! ''Mood: Brilliant'' **'Tori: '''ALBERT Einstein. **'Andre:' The glasses don't seem to be working. *'Cat:' Does my thumb look Spanish? 'Mood:' Wondering'' *'''Cat': Dog-sitting my mom's boss' dog, Coober! You guys can come over if you want. Just don't call him Cooper. He hates that. *'''Cat: Hawaii doesn't sound the way it's spelled. Neither does Wednesday. English doesn't make sense. *'Cat:' I want to buy my dad a tie from Thailand. That's where all the best ties are made. *'Cat:' Having a bad day? Feeling down? Let me and Robbie cheer you up thru song! La! La! La! (See you feel better already!. *'Cat:' Happy Birthday Jade! **'Jade:' It's not my birthday. **'Cat:' Oh good, cuz I forgot to buy you a gift. *'Cat:' I'm so glad I'm in color again! I don't know how people in the 50s were able to live in black and white! *'Cat:'I always feel bad that dogs aren't allowed to eat chocolate. That's probably the number one reason I'm glad I'm not a dog. *'Cat: '''I wish they made water-proof PearPhones. I always feel chatty while I'm in the shower. *'Cat: Anyone wanna go to the ballet with me this weekend? I was going to take my brother but the judge said he's not allowed to be near ballerinas. *'Cat: '''Apparently, most girls don't store candy in their bras. Weird. So where DO they keep their gumdrops? *'Cat: Million dollar idea: High-heeled shoes that turn into flat shoes by hitting a button on a remote control. I'll call them Shorty Shoes. *'Cat: '''I tried to do a self-portrait of my final art project, but it was too hard! So i drew a bunny with red hair instead. Maybe my teacher won't notice. *'Cat: Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. Bibble. *'Tori: '''Uh, Cat . Watcha thinking about there? *'Cat: 'Oh, nothing. Why? *'Cat: 'I'm sleeping in a motel tonight because my brother accidentally flooded our house. On the plus side: complimentary tiny toothpaste! *'Cat: I just drew a little man in my shoe, but now I can't wear a skirt because I'm afraid he'll see my underpants. *'Cat: '''Am I still considered a redhead even though that I technically don't have hair anymore? *'Cat: I honestly think a squirrel in the park said "God Bless You" to me today. But the weird thing is, I didn't sneeze. *'Cat: '''My hair is starting to grow back! Maybe if I sing to it, it will grow even faster. LAAAAAAAAA!!!! *'Cat: Cut my foot stepping on a seashell! Who's going around throwing seashells all over the beach?!? That's called littering, people! *'Cat:' Alright, it's true. I'm not a real blonde. I'm just a plain old redhead. :( Wait. I'm actually not a real redhead either. I'm such a faker. *'Cat: '''I just found out what an e-book is. For the longest time I just thought it was a book about the letter "E". *'Cat': At the mall hanging out with a vow. (edit: Sorry, that should say hanging out with a COW. Stupid auto correct.) **'Tori': Usually edits make these things clearer. Not this time. *'Cat: A sentence that no one has ever written before: Pretty pink elephants love hot air balloon rides over fields of purple daisies. *'''Cat: OMG my uncle just called. My aunt was just thrown off a mountain!!! Nevermind, I heard him wrong. She just threw a penny into a mall fountain. *'Cat:' Just dropped some food on the floor. How long is the "Five Second Rule" good for again? *'Cat': I want a license plate that says "Cat's Car" so I'll never forget which one is mine. Oh and the car will be bright pink... just because! *'Cat:' Did you know you can't light firecrackers on Labor Day? My brother got arrested for it! Of course he was in a grocery store. *'Cat: '''HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! **'Tori: What's so funny? **'''Cat: Ha, nothing, just an inside joke with myself. *'Cat:' All-nighter at Wanko's! Being trapped in a warehouse with your besties is so much fun!!!!! I want to taste the alarm laser! *'Cat:' I'm on a juice cleanse this week! I bathed in orange juice this morning and feel soooo much healthier already! **'Tori: '''Ummm, Cat. That's not how it works. *'Cat: It is so hard to type on my phone and tap dance at the same time! **'''Tori: Then why don't you just stop tap dancing while you type? **'Cat:' That's crazy talk! *'Cat:' People will believe anything you say with confidence. Watch this: I AM A 7-FOOT-TALL MARTIAN! You believed that for a second didn't you? *'Cat:' I got all my holiday shopping done early! But the only thing at the store was Halloween stuff. Hope you guys like Jack-o-Lanterns for Christmas. *'Cat:' Jade does an awesome impression of me! Monkeys on trampolines. HAHAHAHAHAHA! **'Cat:' Hey! I didn't write that. Jade logged into my account! **'Andre:' Well to be honest, I couldn't tell. **'Cat:' Well, I guess she does do a good impression of me. And monkeys on trampolines are hilarious. HAHAHAHAHA! *'Cat: '''Cute boys LOVE hamburgers. I should open a restaurant and call it "Burgers for Boys." *'Cat:' I wish my life was a music video. Then it wouldn't be weird if I sang by myself in the laundromat. *Cat: I used to think whipped cream was actually made from clouds. But then yesterday someone told me that they weren't. My whole life is a lie. *'Cat:' Am I too old to go Trick-or-Treating? My family won't buy sugar anymore because it makes my brother go bonkers. It's my only way to get candy! *'Cat:' I voted for cheese! **'Tori:' Uh, Cat. This was the presidential election... **'Cat:' Oh :( Well I really wanted Gruyere to win. It's my favorite cheese. *'Cat:' I'm thankful for my feet! Because if I didn't have feet, I couldn't tap dance! And then I'd fail my tap dancing class. *'Cat:' Did you ever notice the word "ROOF" is just the word "FOOR" spelled backwards? I can't believe I just now realized that! **'Rex:' Man, it's a good thing you're pretty. *'Cat:' I've got a baby butterfly living in my ear… how's your day going? *'Cat''' I poured milk in my marshmallow cereal, waited for the milk to change color, and then spooned out the cereal. Now I'm drinking blue milk! *'Cat:' Y'know. Robbie's a great guy. Sweaty hands and all. *'Cat:' I wish they made plates out of bread. That way, after you eat lunch, you don't have to do any dishes. You just eat your plate! **'Robbie:' You know they have bread bowls, right? **'Cat:' OMG! Where do I get one of these bread bowls??? **'Robbie' I'll take you out to lunch at my fave place. **'Cat' I changed my mind. Bread bowls sound weird. Who would want a bread bowl? Not me. *'Cat:' At Neutronium Records - searching for Bibble. They've gotta have a secret stash around here somewhere! *'Cat:' My brother's tarantula is living in our Christmas tree. He's like a hairy, terrifying little ornament. *'Cat:' Don't you hate waking up on Christmas morning to find that your brother ate all the presents? (P.S. None of them were edible) *'Cat:' Happy Birthday 2013! I didn't get you a present. Sorry about that. *'Cat:' Please DO NOT go on Pear Maps and look up Hollywood Arts. If you do, DO NOT zoom in on Jade. P.S. She's NOT picking her nose *'Cat:' I don't think you're allowed to sucker-punch teenagers on game shows. Someone should inform the Brain Squeezers people. *'Cat:' Welcome to Cat's Tweet Fest: 2013!!! Become my fan and see all the cool and interesting tweets on my profile page! ** Tweet #1: I like pepperoni pizza, but hate pepperonis by themselves. I bet pepperonis are glad pizza exists or they'd never get eaten. **Tweet #2: Do cows get cavities? Because I've never heard of a cow dentist. **Tweet #3: Sikowitz is wearing a toupee today. #NotFoolingAnyone **Tweet #4: My tomato soup just burnt my tongue! Hottttttttt!!!! **Tweet #5: What am I doing right now? I'm writing a tweet on my phone! Kind of obvious. **Tweet #6: I'm going to sleep now. I'll tweet again in exactly 8 hours! Yawn! **Tweet #7: Good morning! I just woke up! And I've got morning breath. Blech! **Tweet #8: I wish Sinjin would stop using the girls' bathroom. It's strange. **Tweet #9: I have 2 hairs on my arm that are longer than the rest of 'em. **Tweet #10: It must be hard to design clothes for birds. *'Cat:' I'm done tweeting. I can't think of anything else... Well, I guess THIS technically was a tweet... Okay... NOW I'm done. *'Cat:' I'm moving to Venice to live with my Nona! Venice, America NOT Venice Italy! Just in case anyone is as confused as I was. *'Cat:' Why's there a fairy that collects your teeth when they fall out but NOT a fairy that collects your hair? Sikowitz would be rich! *'Cat:' Guess what I'm wearing??? They're pajamas! They're jeans! They're leggings! It's a hoodie! It's a poncho! It's a Pajelehoocho!!!! Category:TheSlap.com Category:Quotes